26th January 2012

Teen Dating Violence [TW: dating violence, violence against women, sexual assault]

slutrockerbitch:

Violence isn’t just relegated to domestic married couples—unfortunately, it’s just as prevalent among teenagers. Teen dating violence is just as real and serious as domestic violence. According to the Alabama Coalition of Domestic Violence, one in three teenagers have experienced violence in their relationships. 

Teens may be especially vulnerable to violence because of their inexperience with dating. They may accept a partner’s abusive behavior as a normal part of a relationship when it should not be tolerated. Violence is about power and control. Some teenage men cling to the sexist belief that a man must “control” his woman and they attempt to do this through violence. 

The average victims of teen dating violence are young women ages 16 to 24. Even though the majority of victims are women, men can still find themselves in abusive relationships. Dating violence isn’t necessarily physical. It’s best defined as a pattern of controlling behavior, whether it be emotional, sexual, or physical. 

Emotional abuse consists of broken promises, extreme jealousy, constant insults and name-calling, and threats to a partner’s safety. Does your boyfriend or girlfriend guilt you for having your own interests? Do they try to control what you wear, what you like, and who you hang out with? Do they endlessly make you feel guilty about past decisions you’ve made? If so, you may be in an emotionally abuse relationship. Don’t take this lightly—this type of abuse is just as destructive to your self esteem as physical abuse. 

If your partner punches, kicks, slaps, shakes, pushes, or grabs you, then you most likely are a victim of physical abuse. Any physical act performed on you, even a seemingly innocent hug, may be considered abuse if it’s unwanted. 

Sexual abuse includes any unwanted sexual contact or non-physical advances. Date rape, another form of teen dating violence, occurs when a person you know forces you to have sexual intercourse. 

There are many early warning signs that your partner may become abusive. If you notice any of the following behaviors in your date, consider them red flags: unpredictable mood swings, the tendency to blame others for his or her own misgivings, is verbally abusive, is cruel to animals, abuses drugs or alcohol, acts with intense and explosive anger, is threatening, and has sexist beliefs. If anyone scares you in any way, or you just don’t feel safe with them, trust your instincts and head for the hills. 

If you’re in a potentially abusive relationship, call a teen violence hotline and speak to someone. It’s completely free and anonymous. 

You can’t always prevent yourself from interacting with people who turn abusive but you can take precautions to protect yourself. Go on double-dates when you’re first dating someone. Always make sure your friends or family know where you’re at and who you’re with if you two go out alone. If your date acts controlling, assert yourself. Be clear and communicate your needs, desires, and—more importantly—your boundaries. 

(via guerreragrrrls)

26th January 2012

Article | How to Talk to Little Girls by Lisa Bloom

ichaseelephants:

I always bite my tongue when I meet little girls, restraining myself from my first impulse, which is to tell them how darn cute/ pretty/ beautiful/ well-dressed/ well-manicured/ well-coiffed they are.

What’s wrong with that? It’s our culture’s standard talking-to-little-girls icebreaker, isn’t it? And why not give them a sincere compliment to boost their self-esteem? Because they are so darling I just want to burst when I meet them, honestly.

Hold that thought for just a moment.

…

Teaching girls that their appearance is the first thing you notice tells them that looks are more important than anything. It sets them up for dieting at age 5 and foundation at age 11 and boob jobs at 17 and Botox at 23. As our cultural imperative for girls to be hot 24/7 has become the new normal, American women have become increasingly unhappy. What’s missing? A life of meaning, a life of ideas and reading books and being valued for our thoughts and accomplishments.

That’s why I force myself to talk to little girls as follows.

“Maya,” I said, crouching down at her level, looking into her eyes, “very nice to meet you.”

“Nice to meet you too,” she said, in that trained, polite, talking-to-adults good girl voice.

“Hey, what are you reading?” I asked, a twinkle in my eyes. I love books. I’m nuts for them. I let that show.

Her eyes got bigger, and the practiced, polite facial expression gave way to genuine excitement over this topic. She paused, though, a little shy of me, a stranger.

“I LOVE books,” I said. “Do you?”

Most kids do.

“YES,” she said. “And I can read them all by myself now!”

“Wow, amazing!” I said. And it is, for a five-year-old. You go on with your bad self, Maya.

“What’s your favorite book?” I asked.

“I’ll go get it! Can I read it to you?”

…

Not once did we discuss clothes or hair or bodies or who was pretty. It’s surprising how hard it is to stay away from those topics with little girls, but I’m stubborn.

I told her that I’d just written a book, and that I hoped she’d write one too one day. She was fairly psyched about that idea. We were both sad when Maya had to go to bed, but I told her next time to choose another book and we’d read it and talk about it. Oops. That got her too amped up to sleep, and she came down from her bedroom a few times, all jazzed up.

So, one tiny bit of opposition to a culture that sends all the wrong messages to our girls. One tiny nudge towards valuing female brains. One brief moment of intentional role modeling. Will my few minutes with Maya change our multibillion dollar beauty industry, reality shows that demean women, our celebrity-manic culture? No. But I did change Maya’s perspective for at least that evening.

Try this the next time you meet a little girl. She may be surprised and unsure at first, because few ask her about her mind, but be patient and stick with it. Ask her what she’s reading. What does she like and dislike, and why? There are no wrong answers. You’re just generating an intelligent conversation that respects her brain. For older girls, ask her about current events issues: pollution, wars, school budgets slashed. What bothers her out there in the world? How would she fix it if she had a magic wand? You may get some intriguing answers. Tell her about your ideas and accomplishments and your favorite books. Model for her what a thinking woman says and does.

 

I read this, and then I had to go back to the original and read that (there’s not really much missing but still worth it)

this is a really really really important article